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Casualties Imminent
Casualties Imminent is the twenty-seventh episode of SBFW Quest. It aired on November 16, 2019, and was written by FireMatch. Transcript (The episode starts with Alt reading a book on why Once Bitten is the worst SpongeBob episode) Alt: This book is the best! I hope I never lose it. Ingot: Hahaha! You think you can enjoy anything in your life? Well guess what, doofus, I’m still here! Alt: Oh shit I forgot. Dang it. (His book is set on fire and is yeeted into a nearby lake) I was reading that! Ingot: Indeed. Ian, did you get the stone guy? Ian: Granite? Yeah, but he’s unconscious. Ingot: Even better. I present to you… my brand new cock and ball torture-inator! (The Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated theme plays) Ian: Did you get that from the pawn shop? Ingot: No, I made it myself. Ian: No wonder it looks like my grandma’s toilet. Ingot: What kind of comparison is that? (The giant Hoopla hooplas in the distance) Ingot: Shit, that thing is still here. Ian: Don’t worry, Travis is taking care of it. Travis: Eat bra, green thing! Giant Hoopla: Hoopla! (he takes the bra out of Travis’ hand and eats it whole) Travis: Crap. Ingot: Uhhhh… let’s just get this shit over with. Alt: Oh god. Ingot: Indeed. (he turns on the cock and ball torture-inator, which has a huge sawblade in the middle of it) Alt: Oh GOD! Ingot: And now you’re going to sit on it! (laughs maniacally) Alt: This can’t be the end. This is a show. Ingot: What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall? Alt: o Granite: (suddenly waking up) Uh what’s going on? (Ian knocks him out with a hammer) Alt: Where the hell did you get that hammer from? Ian: From the deep depths of my ass. Alt: (shudders) I regret asking. Jasbre: Stop right there, former friend! Ian: Jasbre? Uh oh. Jasbre: Yeah that’s right. Now let them go or else things will get a bit crazy. Ian: Seeing how everything is crazy enough already, no. Jasbre: (faints) Travis: What a crooked black duck. Ingot: Indeed. No more filler, it’s time for this town to perish into oblivion. Alt: You mean… we’re ALL going in that chair? Ingot: Oh no. I made an assembly line that’s supposed to mass produce- hey, where is it anyway? Ian: I couldn’t find any conveyor belts in the pawn shop, sir. Ingot: DAMN IT! Guess we’ll have to use just this one. Granite: I don’t wanna die. I’m too young to die. Alt: I’m only… I forgot my age actually. But I’m too young to die too! Ingot: Pathetic. Into the cock and ball torture-inator! (he shoves Granite into the machine first. He gets grinded into literal granite) Alt: Noooo! Granite! Ingot: He is now literal granite! (laughs maniacally again) Alt: What am I gonna turn into, an alternate universe? Ingot: Maybe. Alt: Cool. Ingot: It won’t be cool when you fricking DIE! Now get into the machine! Alt: I’ll do it for Fanonland. Ingot: Yeah yeah, it’s totally not like they all will die too. (shoves Alt into the cock and ball torture-inator, grinding him into bits and creating an alternate universe) Dan: I am here to say that smashed potatoes that look like Squidward is still a page! Ingot: Indeed. Matchy: Why?! Ingot: Indeedn’t. Purple: Hey I’m back from eating an entire fucking turkey- (Ingot puts a bag over him, blinding him) Matchy: Purple, NO! Ingot: This whole town will perish, I tell you. Perish! Jasbre: Not if we stick together, guys. Let’s go! Rocky: (appearing out of literally nowhere) Let’s go! Matchy: Where the fuck did you come from? Rocky: I have no idea. Dan: I grabbed this from the pawn shop. Is it useful? (he holds out an orb) Jasbre: Hmm… looks like the one Ingot was holding earlier. Ingot: Indeed. Jasbre: Will you shut the hell up? Ingot: Make me bitch. (Jasbre slaps a piece of tape over his mouth) Mmhh. MMMMMHHH! Jasbre: Anyway, what would happen if we combined this orb with the one Ingot had earlier? Ingot: MMMMM! MMMMAAAAAHHHH! Jasbre: Ha. Can’t even speak. Ingot: (finds a shred of common sense inside himself and rips the tape off his mouth) You cannot combine the two orbs. Rumor has it the whole town will burst into flames! Jasbre: Bullshit. Hey, what’s that in your pocket? Ingot: No, WAIT-! (Jasbre combines the two orbs and a giant white flash wipes the entire screen. After the flash goes away, Ingot, Ian, Jasbre, and Travis are nowhere to be seen) Matchy: Where did Jasbre go? Purple: No idea. Crazy: Maybe they kidnapped him. Purple: Crazy, you’re crazy. Crazy: I know. Matchy: Well, there goes two of our beloved citizens. Should we have a funeral? Purple: Maybe later. But now is a good time to find out where Jasbre is. Matchy: Honestly, I think we have a lot more citizens to find first. Where’s Princess Ponyo? Purple: I think she fled from town a while ago. Matchy: What about CobblePirate? Purple: He’s homeless and living in a shoebox. Poor Cobble… Matchy: Well, at least he isn’t dead. Ponyo, maybe. I never cared much about her in the first place. Purple: We need a new princess for the time being. But who? Cici: Guys, I hate to break up your lovely conversation, but I think I see Travis in the distance. Travis: (in the distance) Damn fools! I’m here to get Image’s glistening- Matchy: (yelling) Shut up! Travis: No! Purple: While you guys have your little conversation of your own, I’m gonna have some me time. Matchy: But Purple, something important is going on right now! And we still don’t know what 27 means! Purple: Matchy, I haven’t had my own time to relax since… ages ago. I don’t care if Obama Trash Bin comes along and sets the whole world on fire. I’m taking a break. Matchy: Okay then. It’s your funeral. Speaking of funerals… (All of Fanonland is seen attending the funeral of Alt and Granite) (Cut to Jack's mom going through the drive-thru at Wendy's) Jack's mom: What do you want, sweetie? Jack: I want a triple chocolate cookie. (5 minutes later...) Jack (having a very full stomach): I think I have type 3 diabetes... Jack's mom: You're welcome, sweetie. Category:Episodes Category:Episode Transcripts Category:2019 Transcripts Category:2019 Category:2019 Episodes Category:SBFW Quest Category:Season Finale Category:Episodes written by FireMatch